December 31, 2011

Yesterday, one of my fishies died. I had it for eight years – very old for a fish. But it was my fault – I took really bad care of my fish. But that’s why I get hardy fish like silver dollars, who take it and take it and take it, and finally die – after eight years.

About a week ago, I went home to my parents’ house. It was Christmas, and I felt I had to. I watched football with my family, which I never do. And it was nice. I think I finally see what my mom does, just because my dad does. She didn’t know a damn thing about sports, now she knows the Red Sox better than I do – not that I’m a Red Sox fan.

About a month or so ago I put my ex in her place. And I felt bad, but it needed to be done. That makes me sound horrible. Perhaps I am – afterall, I let a fish I had for eight years just die like that – *finger snap*

About a year ago, I was smitten with someone. It didn’t work out. Oh well.

But last year, I was a very different person. And it feels weird how I am now. There’s a side of me that’s no different from how I used to be. Every old crush is worth my time. Even if she has a boyfriend. And there’s a side of me that looks to future – and knows I should look to the future – but that makes me just as lonely.

I never wrote posts like they’d be my last. I always wanted to report my shortcomings, and maybe I’ll try to fulfill them tomorrow. But everything dies, everything goes away. I wanted to make an album about that – and I want to make a movie that mentions that.

Maybe one day, I’ll let go of that balloon, that I let go of. It is resolutions time, isn’t it?

   

There’s No Eye In The Sky Just Our Love

 

Should Auld Acquaintence Be Forgot For Sake Of Ole Lang Zine.

She Takes All My Love

Takes all my notions/tears ‘em all down/’til the earth loses motion

I get it, finally.

Yes, love is about sacrifice. It’s about giving. BUT, it isn’t about giving away, or taking. It’s about what I give and what the other person gives.

So, maybe this won’t work out. Ever. But now I get it.

Bring me my queen

Nothing Gets Crossed Out

So, you know that post I wrote about a month ago? The one overloaded with references from The Microphones? Well, nothing worked out. I guess I woke up. Nothing got crossed off.

You know that post I wrote about 4 days ago? I think this will work out. And, it seems this is how to get over love, just like that midterm I took, one fateful day in college. And, it seems this how to get over working two jobs I’m not particularly proud of, just like in a post I made a few years back.

The reason? This is what I want to do in life. This is what I want to be in life. So I’ll sing along with that Adele song in the car and in my apartment, but I’m on my way to where I belong.

Facing It

http://hankiscreative.wordpress.com/2011/08/01/let-your-light-shine-through/

Nothing is set in stone. But I think this is closer to reality than my daydreaming.

I also wanted to get the Flaming Lips live performance of “Jets” off the first screen. As much as I love that song, I don’t wanna think of things I love right now.

Thanks. You’ve helped me come this far, and you’ve helped me realize who I am. I doubt you’ll ever read that, but I still want to thank you.

Don’t Wake Me Up

As much as I like The Microphones, their early songs are hit or miss.

Anyways, from last year’s post, around this time? If this is a dream, don’t wake me up. If I’m awake, I want to stay awake. Not only is summer almost over, but I feel this is a vital part of my life right now. And if I act, good should come out of it. If I don’t, I’ll be in the same spot I am right now. Which isn’t that bad of a spot right now…

I’m content being older. I’m content with the battles I will have to face. You can’t grow and you can’t gain if you don’t have any battles. It appears just like last year, I won’t get through September without a battle. How many references from The Microphones can I put in one blog entry?

I’m really curious where this is going. I feel the fate side of me just wanting it to be over. Along with the non-confrontational side of me. But there’s a side of me that is really excited how this could all turn out. One day at a time. Don’t dream too far.

So, where do I go from here? I’ll know by my birthday. Twenty-seven. That sounds old too, but I’m also content with that.

Besides, if it doesn’t work out, it means I’m closer to death. And at least I’ll have my birthday cake