1-0-1-0-1-0

October 16, 2009

On, off. One, off. On, off. I didn’t mean to put that ‘one’ but it’s a nice typo…

Every year this happens. It gets cold, I feel like I’m wasting my life and I’m not doing anything. Life has really thrown it at me this year – youth in a weird way, age in another weird way. Starting up and settling down. Breaking up and breaking down.

It’s only October (another reason for the 1-0/10 title), and it’s freezing. I’m actually worried about driving in snow tomorrow. But I should be smart, and realize that Brian Shields said the northern part of the county to the north; not this county.

I remember at one point thinking that 2009 was going to be my goof off year, as if my parents would appreciate that. Turning 25 and still goofing off, hrm… On the other hand, I’m glad I did when I did. I wouldn’t have made a short film I made, and I wouldn’t have made a song I wrote. I wouldn’t have obsessed over a movie, and thus a director, and in turn being able to see that director in person. But still, here I am. 25 and goofing off.

Everything seems like it’s building up to something, only to reach a plateau of calmness. Every job applications becomes a “at least they were interested.” Every apartment becomes affordable, but unattainable. Everyday becomes another thing I did, or another day I survived. But it’s the same thing in the long run.

But then, it hits me. Every idea is become magical and performable. Every word has a rhyme. Every story has a deep meaning I want to tell others, no matter how simple. And every disappointment is another to write in that disappointment philosophy. They really are just as important as our accomplishments.

It’s only October, I still can do one last thing.

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