Last summer I made a post about how I want to do different things and can’t decide which one is for me. Well, now that’s changed.

I am not creative, really. I mean, I am. But my writing sucks, unless I’m overanalyzing something. My ukulele playing could be better. My wordplay is bad, unless it’s a spur of the moment pun.

But there is one that supports another. Both, actually. But let’s face it. If my wordplay is bad, and my ukulele playing is mediocre, then I guess I’m not gonna do that. Besides, if you’re happy there’s no reason to be a singer-songwriter. And if you’re a singer-songwriter, there’s no reason to be happy.

I doubt I could write a story. But I can write about how a person does things. I can write about people interact. I can write about the world around us. And how any of those three interact with each other.

This is exactly what I’ve wanted to do. I want to make movies that make people think. And the best movies are natural – what a person does, how another reacts, and how what this person does effects the world around him or her.

I know what to do. And, I can do it. I just need that push.

Took me long enough to decide…

100 Words: Dear Self

May 23, 2010

Do you remember how upset you were four months ago? You took a girl out to dinner, and later messed it up. You had a job interview later that week, which could have gone better. And how miserable you were that Friday evening.

Well, you have that job, in a closer location. You have a girlfriend, and one better than the one you took out.

You also have your own place, which is what you wanted last year around this time. And you were miserable last year, wanting to move out.

You have things. You have done things. Be happy.

May 20, 2010

May 19, 2010

May 18, 2010

Busyness

May 5, 2010

I have been so busy lately, it actually is funny.

I was telling my new co-workers that I had wanted change. Now I’m so busy I don’t have any time to think about what I could do to make myself better. I wonder what’ll happen once these three weeks are up though…

In turn, I haven’t been using the internet as much. Which I like. I’m forming more and more doubts about it. And in turn, I’m actually thinking about my life a lot more. How I used to *love* the internet, and now I kinda hate it. And other things too, such as video games, and I guess even books to an extent.

I bet this blog is going to end soon. Sorry, if anyone truly followed this. But maybe it won’t. Maybe once I get my set schedule I’ll be more bored than I once thought.

But all I know is that for now tomorrow looks brighter than yesterday. Perhaps because I’m too busy to notice the negative. But that’s fine with me, for now.

05/03/10

May 2, 2010

Tomorrow will begin something new. Training. For a part time position. That’s right; take that previous entry – I got the job!

I dunno if I can do it. I mean, I can. I know I can. But there’s always doubt. If there wasn’t I wouldn’t want it as much.

It’s funny, the reactions I get. Those who care for me, truly care for me, know I can do it. Those who support me are happy and wish me luck. Those who want to see what I can be, what I truly can be, give me constructive criticism. Something I overlooked. Something I didn’t consider. Put more doubt in my head.

What are friends for?

But for now, milk and cookies. Something always there. And it’s way too hot to make dinner and/or tomorrow’s lunch. Which I need to bring there. And, I’m listening to Conor Oberst –

I’m trying to be assertive I’m making plans/wanna rise to the occasion, yeah/meet all their demands/but all I do is just lay in bed/and hide under the covers/Yeah I know I should be brave/but I’m just too afraid/of all this change/And it’s too hard to focus through all this doubt/I keep making these to-do lists and nothing gets crossed out.

Forgive me, I listen to Bright Eyes.