Every Treat Is A Trick

November 1, 2010

Do you remember last year at this time, I made a post entitled Trick or Treat? It was about how I was moving out, and it might be a trick cause I found the apartment online. And it might be a treat cause it would be my apartment. And it might be a trick, because everything I relied on to get me through the days and nights could be taken away by one quick motion – handing over rent and security.

Well, every treat has indeed been a trick. Because I have moved out on my own, for a whole year now. And it is my apartment. And I have had friends over, all of whom liked my flat. And all of that was a treat.

But you see, with every treat comes responsibility. That is where the trick lies. I didn’t have internet, but found a way to get it – but then there goes some money that could go to rent or dinner. I have television, but that too is a trick, because I only get one channel over the air. I have a car that burns gas. I have shelter that creates bills. I have a life, which takes money.

Just like last year, it was just Halloween, and it still has that feel. Yellow leaves cover the ground. The air is cold, much too cold for what we are used to. Perhaps seeing our breath is what caused Halloween – and if we dress up frightfully we may scare away those who want our souls we breathe out. Or maybe not.

And I can look around and see disappointment everywhere. My job, my dreams. My love life, and lack of it. Everything seemed to be here to tempt me this past year – girls, a better job, and the beneifits of having my own place. I remember when I used to worry about where I’d get coffee at night – now I can’t even afford that coffee (okay, total lie, but still). I remember when I was 24, acting as if I was 18. Not knowing where to go with my life, without realizing how much time I had wasted pondering such a statement. Now I seem to know, or at least have a slightly clearer view. I dunno where my dreams will take me, but if I’m willing to walk the path I pray I’ll be happy at the end of the journey. I probably will, at least I tried.

You see, this disappointment that is everywhere is everyday happenings. I realized that recently. I came up with the idea some time last year, that your disappointments and your flaws are something you have and we all equally have. They are just as important as our accomplishments and our talents. But you see, disappointment is something we try to avoid. So I need to be disappionted while trying, instead of just doing. I don’t mean take life one step further back, but by trying to do what I want. Not just being. If I’m disappointed with a song I wrote, well I’m the one who wrote it. I have no one to blame by myself. If I’m disappointed by the outcome of a video I made, well I’m the one who made it. You see, disappointment will happen no matter what. But if I’m doing what I want and become disappointed, it’s my own fault. It’s not failing others. Granted, that is a big disappointment, but there is just too much to control that way. If it’s my fault it’s my fault, end of story.

So, is every treat a trick? Yes. Is every trick a treat? No. But going there is what makes the difference.

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