December 31, 2011

December 31, 2011

Yesterday, one of my fishies died. I had it for eight years – very old for a fish. But it was my fault – I took really bad care of my fish. But that’s why I get hardy fish like silver dollars, who take it and take it and take it, and finally die – after eight years.

About a week ago, I went home to my parents’ house. It was Christmas, and I felt I had to. I watched football with my family, which I never do. And it was nice. I think I finally see what my mom does, just because my dad does. She didn’t know a damn thing about sports, now she knows the Red Sox better than I do – not that I’m a Red Sox fan.

About a month or so ago I put my ex in her place. And I felt bad, but it needed to be done. That makes me sound horrible. Perhaps I am – afterall, I let a fish I had for eight years just die like that – *finger snap*

About a year ago, I was smitten with someone. It didn’t work out. Oh well.

But last year, I was a very different person. And it feels weird how I am now. There’s a side of me that’s no different from how I used to be. Every old crush is worth my time. Even if she has a boyfriend. And there’s a side of me that looks to future – and knows I should look to the future – but that makes me just as lonely.

I never wrote posts like they’d be my last. I always wanted to report my shortcomings, and maybe I’ll try to fulfill them tomorrow. But everything dies, everything goes away. I wanted to make an album about that – and I want to make a movie that mentions that.

Maybe one day, I’ll let go of that balloon, that I let go of. It is resolutions time, isn’t it?

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