December 31, 2011

December 31, 2011

Yesterday, one of my fishies died. I had it for eight years – very old for a fish. But it was my fault – I took really bad care of my fish. But that’s why I get hardy fish like silver dollars, who take it and take it and take it, and finally die – after eight years.

About a week ago, I went home to my parents’ house. It was Christmas, and I felt I had to. I watched football with my family, which I never do. And it was nice. I think I finally see what my mom does, just because my dad does. She didn’t know a damn thing about sports, now she knows the Red Sox better than I do – not that I’m a Red Sox fan.

About a month or so ago I put my ex in her place. And I felt bad, but it needed to be done. That makes me sound horrible. Perhaps I am – afterall, I let a fish I had for eight years just die like that – *finger snap*

About a year ago, I was smitten with someone. It didn’t work out. Oh well.

But last year, I was a very different person. And it feels weird how I am now. There’s a side of me that’s no different from how I used to be. Every old crush is worth my time. Even if she has a boyfriend. And there’s a side of me that looks to future – and knows I should look to the future – but that makes me just as lonely.

I never wrote posts like they’d be my last. I always wanted to report my shortcomings, and maybe I’ll try to fulfill them tomorrow. But everything dies, everything goes away. I wanted to make an album about that – and I want to make a movie that mentions that.

Maybe one day, I’ll let go of that balloon, that I let go of. It is resolutions time, isn’t it?

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Nothing Gets Crossed Out

October 3, 2011

So, you know that post I wrote about a month ago? The one overloaded with references from The Microphones? Well, nothing worked out. I guess I woke up. Nothing got crossed off.

You know that post I wrote about 4 days ago? I think this will work out. And, it seems this is how to get over love, just like that midterm I took, one fateful day in college. And, it seems this how to get over working two jobs I’m not particularly proud of, just like in a post I made a few years back.

The reason? This is what I want to do in life. This is what I want to be in life. So I’ll sing along with that Adele song in the car and in my apartment, but I’m on my way to where I belong.

Facing It

September 6, 2011

https://hankiscreative.wordpress.com/2011/08/01/let-your-light-shine-through/

Nothing is set in stone. But I think this is closer to reality than my daydreaming.

I also wanted to get the Flaming Lips live performance of “Jets” off the first screen. As much as I love that song, I don’t wanna think of things I love right now.

Thanks. You’ve helped me come this far, and you’ve helped me realize who I am. I doubt you’ll ever read that, but I still want to thank you.

Baby if you lose your love, don’t take me by surprise/don’t think you’re crying but there’s tear drops in your eyes/If you gotta leave, you gotta leave.

This isn’t the final answer. But it certainly looks like I have to face this.

I always liked how the violinist with her hair up looks as sad as the songs.

Oh, and for fellow movie nerds out there, watch this

Heh, I never realized how that line would come out…

Best Scene Ever?

December 5, 2010

It has to be!

P.S. I have some personal news, which is funny, cause I wanted to kinda focus on career goals, and not personal news. So, I’ll try to put it on the back burner…

*sigh* Why does life do this?

Wow, has it really been nine years already?

Thank you so much George. You left us too soon.

I apologize for this review being so late. I’ve mentioned too many times on this blog that being out on my own has its perks, but going to the movies is a rare treat. So hurrah, cheap theaters with second runs of films!

So, we watch the trailer and the idea of the movie planted into our minds. It’s radical enough to peak our curiosity. So we give some money to go into the theater and we passively observe. We laugh at the human moments, we are amazed by visuals and we follow along with the story. And, then we leave and discuss the movie with our friends, overhear other people’s reactions, and come to our own personal conclusions.

To begin with, the idea is wonderful. The visuals are wonderful as well, but after a point they become cliche and eventually meaningless. CGI here, green screen there. Slow motion here, there, everywhere.

And then, it gets simple. The mission is completed and the main character goes home. Hollywood ending.

Is that it? Well, yes and no, depending on your perspective. You see, this movie came out in the middle of summer, so for a middle of summer adventure, it’s really good. For a movie seen after the summer due to financial problems, it isn’t so good. I mean, it’s enjoyable, don’t get me wrong. But this is a Christopher Nolan movie. For those in the know, we’re talking the guy who made Memento. For those just going to big Hollywood movies, we’re talking the guy who made the Dark Knight.

While I think Batman Begins is way better than The Dark Knight, think about scenes in the Dark Knight. Especially the bank robbery at the beginning. Masks, robbers shooting robbers so the exchange-of-hands is lost. And, finally it gets to the Joker, who is driving a school bus and goes right into school bus traffic – there is no way the cops will find him.

If Nolan spent half as much energy as he put into that one scene of The Dark Knight into Inception, it would have been so much more wonderful. If he put a third as much energy as he put into Memento, it would have been wonderful.

This isn’t to discourage anyone from seeing it. It’s very good for what it wants to do. But for Christopher Nolan, we’ve come to expect more.

I’m pretty sure that’s not an official video. Although, I wanna say the bad CGI is, cause I have seen a few official Pink Floyd videos and they tinkered with that kind of animation. But whoever made that did quite well!

Anyway, when I think back ten years ago…wow, 2000. I was 16, in tenth grade (not a high school freshman anymore!), and taking my last year of French class. In one year, I would be heartbroken (over a crush, although that would actually be in December, I think?), know what longing feels like, and think I was ready for everything.

I’m pretty sure that year I saw the Kevin Smith movies for the first time, and wanted to make something home made. The best thing I came up with was Bombastic High. Which, someone later said the BOMB in bombastic would cause commotion. I dunno.

But I’m also pretty sure that year I started getting into Pink Floyd. I remember in the late 90s and early 2000s that “alternative” rock kinda sucked. We had to wait for the White Stripes to get us out of it – but by then I had moved on to so much better music called ‘classic rock’. And then I moved on to indie, but that’s irrelevent right now.

So, wow, ten years have got behind me. Life isn’t long, and I’m not young. But I’m still here, and if I start doing the right things this can be a third of the way there, instead of half (though, dying at 52 would *really* suck!).

I know where I want to be. I just have to get there. And well, listening to things in the past like Pink Floyd probably won’t get me there. But listening to it on my way to work will remind me that there is more than my day job.

I finally get that song. I mean, there were times in the past I thought I got it, especially the bad pun. Even at the age of 18, when I put it on an old girlfriend’s birthday mix, I knew how dirty but silly the pun was. I’m sure I would have given into the pun – I want to sleep with common people like you. I probably would still now, although I don’t find the woman in the video that attractive.

ANYWAYS, when I got out of college I thought I got the song. I was back at my high school job, because the economy was tough. The line that follows the title fit my life; Smoke some fags and play some pool/pretend you never went to school. While I don’t smoke, I pretty much had to pretend that my degree meant nothing and was back to square one. And sometimes still, I wonder the validity of my degree…

Continuing on, now I live out on my own. As in, I have that flat, although it isn’t above a shop (thank GOD!). What I do have though, are bills. And now I know how difficult it is, even with a job, to do things such as getting my hair cut and playing pool with friends. I still don’t smoke, but can only imagine trying to pull that off. Not only keeping the secret, but the cigarette taxes are through the roof – supposedly 😀

And speaking of bills, I know how my life’s dreams are sliding out of view. I can’t save up to be with friends who want to act or play music. I can’t save up to make a decent budget, or buy a recording device. Thankfully I bought all that stuff beforehand, but still. What if it breaks, like my many computers seem to. Besides, I use the computer to record music and edit video.

And well, no, poor isn’t cool. I do have parents who could take me out of it, but that house has its own bugs climbing up walls. But it’s worth the struggle, I hate to say.

Home alone

August 15, 2010

I’m house sitting for a few days while my folks go and look at property up…country(?). New England, we’re in New York. How’s that?

That means I’m gonna have to be here on and off for a few days. I will have to go about my normal day, but wake up here, go to job #1, go to my apartment and get ready for job #2. After that, I go back to my apartment, get changed and go back to my folks’ house to take care of the cat. Which in turn means possible sneezing, watery eyes, scratches (from itching or the cat – which itself will lead to itching).

This means I have to clean out that green fishtank. That’s right, it’s green. Not clear. Green.

This means I have to really figure out my day for the next few days.

This means my on and off girlfriend will be visiting, just to be somewhere “else” with me. This isn’t a bad thing, it means someone to help me wake up in the morning. Someone else to possibly take care of the cat (okay, that isn’t happening, but still…). Someone else to clean dishes, even though my folks have a dishwasher.

This also means playing with meals a little. I don’t know how to cook much, but I can always raid someone else’s fridge. Okay, I won’t raid my parents’ fridge. But, it is food that I didn’t pay for that I can eat.

This means showing some extra responsibility. Not only am I able to go back and forth to jobs and maintain my apartment (somewhat), but I need to maintain this place as well. I need to really show if I’ve grown up or not.

This means realizing that, since I’ve moved out, and I don’t need my parents, that they don’t really need me. It’s nice to visit and stuff, but I have the keys, I know how to take care of the cat. I know the garbage schedule. I know the cat’s schedule.

This means I am independent. In all its glory and all its deficit. All of its flaws. All of its loneliness. This means I really have to be, and really have to do.