Thirty

September 22, 2014

I made it.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s depressing. Holy cow is it depressing.

But I look back, which was the point of another blog I started and won’t link to, and I realize I have nothing to be depressed about. My 20s were fun, and I’m glad I got them over with. My 20s made me learn things about myself, and made me face myself. I’m not perfect, and I’m done aiming for that. I’m me, and I want to find something that makes me happy. I want to find someone that makes me happy. I want to be somewhere that makes me happy. And, hopefully, I’ll make those things/person(s) happy as well. That doesn’t mean bigamy, that means supervisors.

I’m clueless on what I was doing when I turned 20. Probably drinking, and looking for ways to drink. While I still have yet to find ways to meet people I’m interested in, I’m done doing it through the drinking route. Drinking is just headaches and a waste of money. Drinking goes in me and in the toilet, one way or another.

At 20, sure, I would have been disappointed where I am at 30. I would have liked to know what I know now back then, but would I be the same person? The heartbreak, the disappointment, the hours earning peanuts doing what I don’t like? The only way to truly learn that is to experience it. Knowing it at 20 may have meant something, but I probably would have brushed it off. Like I still do with others’ advice at 30.

However, what would the 20 year old me think about playing Roy Orbison songs on the ukulele? What would the 20 year old me think about having my own place? What would the 20 year old me think about giving up drinking?

What would the 20 year old me think about my confidence? What would the 20 year old me think about New Age music? What would the 20 year old me think about staying in on Friday night?

I once wanted to make a blog called ‘staying in on Friday night’ but it was about music.

You see, the 30 year old me has gone through stuff that the 20 year old me would never survive. But in turn, I’m happy with who I am. I’ve learned from the experiences. I’ve gained confidence in my abilities and what I have to offer. The 20 year old me was convinced the future was brighter, but that was because I was imaging myself making movies and falling in love. The 30 year old me knows the future is brighter, because I’ve overcome obstacles. I will be able to in the future as well. It won’t be easy, but this ukulele playing, movie buff, outdoorsy nerd will be there too. Stressful day? Fresh air and a walk will make me feel better. Busy week? Watch an old favorite film Saturday night. Need to vent? Pick up the uke and rhyme “boss” with…”DOS”?

I’ve become more realistic. Which is a bit of a letdown. Dream jobs are just that, because you don’t work to have a dream. Though, sometimes you need to exercise your memory to remember them. I would still love to make a movie with friends, and my creativity is through the roof; relatively speaking. The ceiling in my apartment is kinda low afterall…

But this is what I do now. I reflect with a smile. I look forward, knowing it won’t be easy, but also knowing it will be worth it.

My latest favorite movie is Begin Again. And there’s a wonderful line where Mark Ruffalo explains that life is a string and pearls, but the pearls get fewer and fewer as you get older.

This entire weekend was a pearl. I’ll wait for the next one, when it comes.

It’s been a while, I know.

John Carney, for those out of the loop, is a film director. About 7 years ago his film Once got recognition it deserved, winning an Oscar for Best Original Song when a live action princess musical was up for three songs in that category. Seriously, it must have felt awful for anyone involved in that film.

Anyways, having returned from my second viewing of Begin Again (as much as I love movies, it’s extremely rare for me to go to the theater twice), I realized that there are themes similar in both movies. There is the music of course. Which is wonderful singer-songwriter stuff. If you liked the mus in Once, which many of us did, you’ll enjoy the music in Begin Again.

There are hints of a love story between the two main characters, which there was in Once. In fact, the male lead even tells the female lead in Once to stay over, which was a dumb idea. But in Begin Again, one moves forward in their relationships while the other is able to reconnect.

But that is what John Carney stumbled upon.

We all have a soft spot for rom-coms where the two leads fall in love and are perfect for each other, if only for the 100 minutes of their lives we see. As much as we want to be above it and tell ourselves love doesn’t last, when you’re in that mindset and you see it, it just reinforces the idea. Maybe this will last. Maybe this is the one.

And, there is the other side. It’s a Hollywood ending and love is tough and you have to work for it. So there is the occasional film where the two main leads do not fall in love with each other. And the skeptics rejoice. It’s more realistic. The lesson is learned but the loves doesn’t last.

But what these two films have in common that very few other films do, is how doing something with your life can give you the strength to do what you have to. Getting that music down and having a final product gives people the strength to get past what’s holding them back. Have someone to get over? Write that poem to get over the person. Want to get someone back? Do the one thing you’ve wanted. Do the one thing you did when you two were in love.

It took me forever to realize this personally, but sitting around feeling sorry for yourself only makes things worse. Distracting yourself with a project gets you ahead. Not only are you doing something you’ve wanted, you’re showing passion for something.

And that’s what it boils down to. It isn’t a Hollywood ending. It isn’t how tough love is. It’s passion in your life. It’s having the courage to do what you want, and hopefully get what you want.

Toast & Tea

May 27, 2012

Wow, I never realized how much that sounds like (or at least rhymes with) the ‘new’ Death Cab album…

Well, I made it. Practically three years in the making, since I had it that one fateful morning at my parents’ house.

I have that job. Well, kinda. I have my apartment. I have some weekends off, but definitely have Sundays off.

However, there are new stipulations. Such as an oven that I should clean, and a smoke detector that is very sensetive.

But I had it. Toast and tea, the way life should be.

Don’t Wake Me Up

September 3, 2011

As much as I like The Microphones, their early songs are hit or miss.

Anyways, from last year’s post, around this time? If this is a dream, don’t wake me up. If I’m awake, I want to stay awake. Not only is summer almost over, but I feel this is a vital part of my life right now. And if I act, good should come out of it. If I don’t, I’ll be in the same spot I am right now. Which isn’t that bad of a spot right now…

I’m content being older. I’m content with the battles I will have to face. You can’t grow and you can’t gain if you don’t have any battles. It appears just like last year, I won’t get through September without a battle. How many references from The Microphones can I put in one blog entry?

I’m really curious where this is going. I feel the fate side of me just wanting it to be over. Along with the non-confrontational side of me. But there’s a side of me that is really excited how this could all turn out. One day at a time. Don’t dream too far.

So, where do I go from here? I’ll know by my birthday. Twenty-seven. That sounds old too, but I’m also content with that.

Besides, if it doesn’t work out, it means I’m closer to death. And at least I’ll have my birthday cake 🙂

I apologize for this review being so late. I’ve mentioned too many times on this blog that being out on my own has its perks, but going to the movies is a rare treat. So hurrah, cheap theaters with second runs of films!

So, we watch the trailer and the idea of the movie planted into our minds. It’s radical enough to peak our curiosity. So we give some money to go into the theater and we passively observe. We laugh at the human moments, we are amazed by visuals and we follow along with the story. And, then we leave and discuss the movie with our friends, overhear other people’s reactions, and come to our own personal conclusions.

To begin with, the idea is wonderful. The visuals are wonderful as well, but after a point they become cliche and eventually meaningless. CGI here, green screen there. Slow motion here, there, everywhere.

And then, it gets simple. The mission is completed and the main character goes home. Hollywood ending.

Is that it? Well, yes and no, depending on your perspective. You see, this movie came out in the middle of summer, so for a middle of summer adventure, it’s really good. For a movie seen after the summer due to financial problems, it isn’t so good. I mean, it’s enjoyable, don’t get me wrong. But this is a Christopher Nolan movie. For those in the know, we’re talking the guy who made Memento. For those just going to big Hollywood movies, we’re talking the guy who made the Dark Knight.

While I think Batman Begins is way better than The Dark Knight, think about scenes in the Dark Knight. Especially the bank robbery at the beginning. Masks, robbers shooting robbers so the exchange-of-hands is lost. And, finally it gets to the Joker, who is driving a school bus and goes right into school bus traffic – there is no way the cops will find him.

If Nolan spent half as much energy as he put into that one scene of The Dark Knight into Inception, it would have been so much more wonderful. If he put a third as much energy as he put into Memento, it would have been wonderful.

This isn’t to discourage anyone from seeing it. It’s very good for what it wants to do. But for Christopher Nolan, we’ve come to expect more.

Wow. I really like this CD.

It isn’t as good as their early work (though, I don’t think anything ever will be), but it’s an improvement on their previous album. Not that the other one was that bad, just that it was too much of a departure of their classic sound.

The only real problem with this album is that it’s too much of a group effort. While it’s still Stuart who’s doing all the writing, everyone sings. So this is some weird Arcade Fire/Mamas and The Papas kinda album. Which in itself isn’t bad, but as a Belle & Sebastian album?

As a whole though, it’s very good. Some songs take a bit of time to really stand out, and I’m sure as time goes on more songs will do so. But for now, watch out Laura Veirs – you have some company at the top of my list (though, I’ve only bought 4 albums from 2010, so there isn’t much room to begin with…)!

I’m pretty sure that’s not an official video. Although, I wanna say the bad CGI is, cause I have seen a few official Pink Floyd videos and they tinkered with that kind of animation. But whoever made that did quite well!

Anyway, when I think back ten years ago…wow, 2000. I was 16, in tenth grade (not a high school freshman anymore!), and taking my last year of French class. In one year, I would be heartbroken (over a crush, although that would actually be in December, I think?), know what longing feels like, and think I was ready for everything.

I’m pretty sure that year I saw the Kevin Smith movies for the first time, and wanted to make something home made. The best thing I came up with was Bombastic High. Which, someone later said the BOMB in bombastic would cause commotion. I dunno.

But I’m also pretty sure that year I started getting into Pink Floyd. I remember in the late 90s and early 2000s that “alternative” rock kinda sucked. We had to wait for the White Stripes to get us out of it – but by then I had moved on to so much better music called ‘classic rock’. And then I moved on to indie, but that’s irrelevent right now.

So, wow, ten years have got behind me. Life isn’t long, and I’m not young. But I’m still here, and if I start doing the right things this can be a third of the way there, instead of half (though, dying at 52 would *really* suck!).

I know where I want to be. I just have to get there. And well, listening to things in the past like Pink Floyd probably won’t get me there. But listening to it on my way to work will remind me that there is more than my day job.

I Once Was This Lame

September 20, 2010

Just a reminder. Of four years ago already. Wow.

Pleasant Valley Sunday

July 13, 2010

At work, well, one of the jobs I have I should say, they sometimes play songs from the 60s over the loudspeakers. And, I heard that song today. Immediately I smiled. Not only is the song really good, and classic Monkees, but I was going to use it at the end of a movie if I ever get around to making movies. And it made me realize something.

I hadn’t thought of the song or the idea for the film in a while. I’ve been very busy. But it’s because I’m starting to pick away at my tower of dreams. I have my post-college job, well, kinda. I’m actually going to an interview for full time tomorrow. And well, I didn’t give up on that dream. So, why should I give up on my movie making dream?

You see, certain dreams are worth chasing. Not every dream is. However, I feel every dream is worth remembering. You have no idea when that fantasy world may be needed, or can be reproduced elsewhere.

I need to write these words down. And, I need to write my dreams down.

100 Words: Dear Self

May 23, 2010

Do you remember how upset you were four months ago? You took a girl out to dinner, and later messed it up. You had a job interview later that week, which could have gone better. And how miserable you were that Friday evening.

Well, you have that job, in a closer location. You have a girlfriend, and one better than the one you took out.

You also have your own place, which is what you wanted last year around this time. And you were miserable last year, wanting to move out.

You have things. You have done things. Be happy.