December 29, 2009

Here we are again, an ending and henceforth a new beginning. When something is over, it’s so easy to reflect, criticize and learn.

I was going to write entries about my favorite band, movie director and author I stumbled upon in the past ten years. The one that made me most happy, the one who I gave the most thought and most made me who I am today.

I hadn’t put much thought into it, honestly. Albert Camus made me content with “not living”. Neutral Milk Hotel made me want to pick up an instrument. Darren Aronofsky made me want to make movies.

It’s funny though. Would I be okay with my placement in life, had I never read The Stranger, never heard In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, nor watched Pi? What if that one message board never mentioned Camus? What if that other one never mentioned In The Aeroplane Over The Sea? What if I never obsessed over 3.1415 off to infinity?

Clearly the biggest influence on my life over the past ten years that made me who I am today is me. Which is something to say, especially for me. Normally I’m full of doubt, or just a product of my surroundings. Well, I took those surroundings and stuck with them for as long as I needed. And knowing me, perhaps a little too long…

I wouldn’t be who I am today had I not had those items available. But I would be alive. I doubt I’d still want to be movie director; I’d do the smart thing and write it off as just a dream. But I don’t believe that, where I am in life. I have a plan, and hope to make an internet-only feature soon. I already did the internet-only band. Somehow, those who wanted to, and probably many who didn’t, had found it. I’m sure some will find my movie, whether or not they enjoy it.

And there is so much in general I have learned, be it basic HTML coding or what it means to be alive, or even how depressing it is to be a ‘scanning clerk’. There is so much to criticize, like why didn’t I ask that one girl to homecoming, or why did I go back to my high school job after college or even why am I so critical? But with everything that has happened in the past ten years, I can only imagine how wonderful the next ten years will be.

It’s hard to imagine. I’ll be 35 by then. And I’ll either have made it or not. I’ll probably have children by then. I’ll have to provide, and be truly attentive. All my hopes will have vanished, except for happiness. It’s scary. But I’ll be me. Which is enough to ask for, when you get down to it.

This is the path I have chosen, whether or not I’m aware of it. This is where I am. Which is both a good thing and a bad thing. I don’t have any problems where I am. I could’ve done this better, or that differently. But I did them how I did them. There’s no time to look back. Just forward. Or, just now. In the moment.



December 10, 2009

We all make resolutions for the new year, be them “I want to stop biting my nails” or “I should clean my room more often” or “I’m gonna fly to the moon!” While flying to the moon might be a stretch (and when was the last time I cleaned my room?), I actually got one done! Remember this –

Remember, I moved out!

I’m in the same job I don’t like. I didn’t make many more videos (and, my stupid wanna be mathematician tells me I didn’t have as many views either, however “one year ago” can be anything between January ’08 and Dec. ’08, which is more than a year ago…).

So, I guess I didn’t get everything I wanted done, but I got some things done. Which is enough. I didn’t give up on my goals, my resolutions, and my plans.

Now I just gotta stop biting my nails…

Sunday Morning

November 29, 2009

Just a reminder – tomorrow is indeed Monday. But also, how far we (I) have come this past decade. Yes, it’s ending soon. But sit back, relax. It’s Sunday…afternoon now.

We’ve all seen that clip many times. The quote is far more famous than the event. Many documentaries and opinions have been made in reaction to it. Many celebrations and homages.

But 40 years ago today we were all pressed to our televisions, watching three men fly further than we could imagine. Two of them landed on the moon and had time to walk in and take in the sights, along with samples for science.

It’s still a cold and dusty rock up there we can see most nights. It has no atmosphere. It has about 1/6th the gravity of earth. It’s empty. It’s boring.

But it’s also one of the greatest achievements man has accomplished. This morning I heard Buzz Aldrin mention how we came out of the water, we came out of the trees, and finally we’ve left earth. While we haven’t adapted yet, it’s the next point for man.

It’s also another use of fuel, a reliance on technology, and human’s desire to get there first and own it. But that complaint is for another day.


July 1, 2009

July has always bugged me. I don’t know why. Or I guess I should say, it’s recently bugged me…

As a child I looked forward to it and loved it. I may have been going to that camp/crafts/general athletics thing or that may have been finishing up by this time. I have very fond memories of it, but realize now it was just so my brother and I wouldn’t stay inside and bug our mother or play video games. Now look at me – staying in during July and typing on a blog…

As a teenager I liked it, but most summers were boring. Nice to hang out with friends, terrible to go to work during the summer. Which went from boredom to a license and a job and money (and responsibility). Now, it’s different.

I don’t know when it first struck a chord with me, but I realized at some point that early July has to be the middle of the year. I never counted to the 183rd day, but I now know that July 2nd is the very middle of the year. I have to say that while I have done some things these past 6 months, I’m not looking forward to the rest of the 6 months this year. All that we have is my birthday – getting older, autumn – which is nice, but also means cold winter!, and another year in the books. Even if I get a new job or accomplish something, it’s still another year officially done.

I guess the real problem, is just that it’s the second half. As many things I wanna do, the halfway point will be the most depressing – it will continue, but it will also be over soon. I can only imagine how I’ll be once I turn 37…

The Rite of Spring

June 17, 2009

It’s well past spring.

Happy Birthday Igor Stravinksy.

I Want Wind To Blow

June 15, 2009

I once told someone how I love listening to The Microphones during a thunderstorm.

I love the first song on “The Glow pt. 2” so much. Its slow build up. Phil’s off-key whisper. He sings about the end of a thunderstorm, and it becomes a song about the end of life. The continuing build up of instruments, but still keeping it lo-fi and homemade. The bass drum thunders. The distorted cymbals (lightning? raining?). The continuation into the next song, which is almost a mirror-image of the first song – starts out overloaded and loud, and ends with a tabbed outro, much like how the first song began.

I can hear thunder in the distance out of the window. It seems like it’s been raining for weeks. And, I can hear the thunder of The Microphones, over my headphones.

Kids From Vassar Sell Out!

Okay, whatever. I don’t know the people. I don’t overly like the band. But I mean, that song is off their debut album. And already got money from a hotel.

P.S. The Dodos also sold out to Miller Chill. The video can be found here, but I can’t embed it.
I must listen to the best music, cause those two songs were on my best of ’08 mix…

Okay, no it is not the missing link. But a breakthrough for evolutionists. A proto-primate.

Now we’re just waiting on a miracle from God to bring us agnostics back to reality.

Two Years Ago

May 18, 2009

Two years ago to the day I graduated college. And, I have nothing to show for it.

I mean, I do have videos and stuff that I learned how to edit and create and embed (yay youtube – I mean HTML course!). But I certainly didn’t do much else.