Toast & Tea

May 27, 2012

Wow, I never realized how much that sounds like (or at least rhymes with) the ‘new’ Death Cab album…

Well, I made it. Practically three years in the making, since I had it that one fateful morning at my parents’ house.

I have that job. Well, kinda. I have my apartment. I have some weekends off, but definitely have Sundays off.

However, there are new stipulations. Such as an oven that I should clean, and a smoke detector that is very sensetive.

But I had it. Toast and tea, the way life should be.

05/18/12

May 18, 2012

May has always been an interesting month for me. For starters, it’s my mother’s name. Um, pretend I didn’t write that…

For most students, May is one month before summer break which also means finals or regents testing depending on your state. As a college student, May means finals – and graduation. In fact, five years ago to the date I graduated from college!

While I can’t say what has happened to me every May since college – like I think I can with November cause of pretty girls – May has definitely been up with Novemeber as a meaningful month in my life.

As I said, I graduated college in May. Last year, I swore I was in love with someone (which reminds me – what a terrible idea that was!). But what that really meant to me in the long run is that I can love. Usually I’m as exciting as a blank book cover. Only when I’m falling and my innards are flapping was my life exciting. But having the ability to love is something I never saw in myself – until last year.

This May, I am continuing on with my never ending growing, never ending learning, and never ending changing. I got a Full Time spot at a bank. Which on the surface isn’t much – I didn’t go to school for accounting or anything. BUT, it also means that I can finally leave my high school job. Which definitely was the most exciting thing as of late.

And I can look at this two ways. There goes a good chunk of my life that made me who I am – good, bad and indifferent. Or, I can look at it as a chance to look towards the future. The moment I left I should’ve done this, I could’ve done that.

But also, the moment I left, I was ready to start the next chapter of my life. There will be challanges, and there will be problems to face. But I can finally wake up in my apartment on a Sunday, drink tea and eat toast. Cause that was what I’ve been wanting to do for a long, long time.

The question isn’t if the reward of toast is worth the challanges. It is if I’m up for the challanges. And the answer had better be yes – cause if I’m not, I’m losing this apartment, that toast, and that tea.

December 31, 2011

December 31, 2011

Yesterday, one of my fishies died. I had it for eight years – very old for a fish. But it was my fault – I took really bad care of my fish. But that’s why I get hardy fish like silver dollars, who take it and take it and take it, and finally die – after eight years.

About a week ago, I went home to my parents’ house. It was Christmas, and I felt I had to. I watched football with my family, which I never do. And it was nice. I think I finally see what my mom does, just because my dad does. She didn’t know a damn thing about sports, now she knows the Red Sox better than I do – not that I’m a Red Sox fan.

About a month or so ago I put my ex in her place. And I felt bad, but it needed to be done. That makes me sound horrible. Perhaps I am – afterall, I let a fish I had for eight years just die like that – *finger snap*

About a year ago, I was smitten with someone. It didn’t work out. Oh well.

But last year, I was a very different person. And it feels weird how I am now. There’s a side of me that’s no different from how I used to be. Every old crush is worth my time. Even if she has a boyfriend. And there’s a side of me that looks to future – and knows I should look to the future – but that makes me just as lonely.

I never wrote posts like they’d be my last. I always wanted to report my shortcomings, and maybe I’ll try to fulfill them tomorrow. But everything dies, everything goes away. I wanted to make an album about that – and I want to make a movie that mentions that.

Maybe one day, I’ll let go of that balloon, that I let go of. It is resolutions time, isn’t it?

December 24, 2011

   

December 23, 2011

 

Should Auld Acquaintence Be Forgot For Sake Of Ole Lang Zine.

December 13, 2011

She Takes All My Love

October 27, 2011

Takes all my notions/tears ’em all down/’til the earth loses motion

I get it, finally.

Yes, love is about sacrifice. It’s about giving. BUT, it isn’t about giving away, or taking. It’s about what I give and what the other person gives.

So, maybe this won’t work out. Ever. But now I get it.

Bring me my queen

Nothing Gets Crossed Out

October 3, 2011

So, you know that post I wrote about a month ago? The one overloaded with references from The Microphones? Well, nothing worked out. I guess I woke up. Nothing got crossed off.

You know that post I wrote about 4 days ago? I think this will work out. And, it seems this is how to get over love, just like that midterm I took, one fateful day in college. And, it seems this how to get over working two jobs I’m not particularly proud of, just like in a post I made a few years back.

The reason? This is what I want to do in life. This is what I want to be in life. So I’ll sing along with that Adele song in the car and in my apartment, but I’m on my way to where I belong.

September 30, 2011